Bigfoot and Steve on the Loose!

When you write a novel about Bigfoot, but still have more of the story to tell, what do you do? Write a sequel, of course! That’s how the 2018 novel Bigfoot CSI led to last week’s release of Bigfoot and Steve. 

Like the first book in this Flashfire Series, Bigfoot and Steve is exciting, funny, tinged with young love, and full of Sasquatchy goodness. Best of all, it’s just in time for holiday gift-giving. Don’t think there’s anyone on your gift list who deserves this hilarious book? No problem. Get a copy for yourself. You deserve a cuddle-up-by-the-fire-in-your-new-Christmas-jammies book. Or, if you're lucky enough to live in Florida among the Skunk Apes (i.e. Florida Bigfoot), it’s a perfect beach read any time of year.

Bigfoot and Steve continues the story about sixteen-year-old Piper O’Connell as she continues to grow into her calling as a “scrub.” Her job is to track down and destroy the bodies of dead Bigfoot so the race won’t be discovered by human hunters. Everything she does must be kept secret from her family and friends, which causes conflicts when she tries to have a normal teenage life full of school, dating, and extracurricular activities. Even something as common as learning to drive is more challenging for a scrub whose mom was killed in a car accident three years ago while trying to destroy the body of a dead Bigfoot.

If you read Bigfoot CSI two years ago: Thank you! If you didn’t, there’s still time to pick up a copy on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, etc. in either paperback or ebook format. Then scoop up the brand-new sequel Bigfoot and Steve. It even answers the eternal question “How does Bigfoot celebrate the holidays?”

Enjoy! And happy holidays!

Why Bigfoot hides

“If Bigfoot really exists, why does he stay hidden? Why not show himself?” a friend asked me recently. We were discussing the premise of my new novel Bigfoot CSI, which is about a teenage girl whose job is to destroy the bodies of dead Bigfoot so they won’t be discovered by humans.

My response to the question was simply that interaction with humans tends to go badly for animals of all sorts. Even creatures like gorillas that look like hairy humans get shot, locked in cages, and experimented on. What sensible Bigfoot would want to sign up for that? My friend didn’t think I was giving humans enough credit and disagreed with my negative assessment of how we treat the creatures we share the Earth with.

A few days after the conversation, I saw this article about a loose African warthog was spotted running around Port St. Lucie, Florida. Apparently, a warthog—which had probably belonged to a local resident because it was friendly—was roaming the area. It took some time, but wildlife officials finally caught it. It’s unclear why that was necessary. It was living in Florida, for goodness’ sake! It’s warm enough for a warthog to survive, there are already alligators and massive snakes, and if you’ve ever been to Key West. you know that an African warthog isn’t the strangest mammal they’ve got down there. 

Once they caught the poor pig, they promptly killed it. “Euthanize” is the word used in one article. That word suggests putting a creature out of its misery for humane reasons. There was no reason to believe this pig was in any misery. He acted tame and friendly. The wildlife officials claimed to be concerned about disease transmission since they didn’t know where he had come from. If they didn’t want to have him running the streets, then why not put him in a zoo? Or turn him over to ICE so they could deport him back to Africa? He was Pumba from the Lion King! How can you murder Pumba?

This incident was the perfect support for my argument that interaction with humans is never a good thing for wild creatures. Why would Bigfoot refuse to show himself? Because wildlife officials could pretend they’re worried about diseases he might have, so it would be safer to just kill him. Then they would study his body, which is what another article reported they did with the poor warthog.

That warthog wasn’t bothering anyone, just blending in with the other wild, hairy, naked things in Florida, yet he had to be killed and cut open to satisfy some scientists’ curiosity. Tragic. 

You stay hidden, Bigfoot! And be careful in Florida because you’re probably not the biggest, hairiest, weirdest thing in the Sunshine State.

Sinkholes!

Give us this day our daily fret about something brand new: Sinkholes! Some poor guy in Florida goes to bed and the next thing you know, his bedroom is sucked into the earth! Who knew that could happen? Don't they check for that kind of stuff before they build a house? Are we all at risk, or is this horrifying phenomenon unique to Florida? After all, Florida does have its share of horrifying phenomena, like alligators on golf courses and waiting 2 hours in July sun to ride the Teacups. And don't get me started on the crimes against humanity I've seen Florida drivers commit.

So now we not only have to fear threats from above, like airplane parts falling from the sky on us (refer to that episode of the series Shameless if you don't know what I mean), and threats on the ground, like Florida drivers, but now we have to worry about the earth swallowing us up for no reason.

Apparently some people knew about this nightmare because I'm right now listening to a song by the Drive By Truckers in which they mention "bury his body in the old sinkhole." Maybe we should start taking song lyrics more seriously because they hold hints to the true threats we're facing every day. Do you suppose all those singers who have covered the song Landslide are trying to tell us something?