I’m in a
mood to complaint today, so this blog will be a collection of minor annoyances
about the Olympics. Feel free to add your own complaints in the comments
section. You know you have plenty of them. Just keep it clean; your grandmother
reads this blog.
1. I
feel sad for that poor French ice dancer who had a serious wardrobe malfunction
on live, international television last night. Sure, it’s the kind of horrible
luck that could afflict anyone, but there are some precautions you can take to
avoid stuff like this. Particularly, don’t choose an outfit that uses only one
small snap behind your neck to protect your assets from exposure to the whole
wide world. It’s hard to believe that the costume designer didn’t learn that
lesson on Day One of costume design school. Always have redundant systems to
protect those assets! How about two or even three snaps? A zipper? Maybe
adhesive cups under the costume in case something goes horribly awry?2. Since
when do they have skiers in the halfpipe? Is this new, or have I just been
missing it all these years? It looks weird because I’m so used to the
snowboarding. Which is harder? Who knows/ I’ve never been able to work up the
courage to even get on a ski lift, let alone take it to the top of a mountain
and somehow get off to slide down. The tow rope on the bunny hill taxed my limited
skills.
3. Russian
athletes are competing under the Olympic flag instead of the Russian flag
because apparently some of them had tested positive for doping.. Many Russian
athletes were still allowed to compete, because they had not tested positive
for drugs. Today it was reported that one of the Russian curling athletes who’s
still in the Games tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs. Curling!?!
Their sport consists of sweeping while gliding at low speeds. Who
needs steroids to do that? At this point, it seems like the Russians aren’t
even interested in achieving anything—they’re just curious what they can get
away with.
4. The
winter landscapes in South Korea are beautiful, but it makes me cold to look at
them. After spending years trying to survive the frigid, windy wasteland of
Chicago winters, just the sight of an ice cube tray can give me goose bumps.
Winter sports would be much more pleasant if they happened during the summer.
5. Some
of these sports are ridiculously dangerous, and it makes me wonder what the
point is. During the women’s slalom, for instance, every single skier who came
down the mountain did so while the commentators listed the athlete’s serious
recent injuries. Just now, a halfpipe ski woman limped off the course after
crashing on her last trick. I thought exercise was supposed to be good for you,
but certainly not if you’re an Olympic skier. Or the luge. Don’t even get me
started on the luge.
Less
than one week to go until Olympics 2018 is nothing but a collection of
statistics to be largely forgotten until commentators bring them up during the
next Olympic Games. Enjoy!
