Hot Blooded or Maybe Cold?

Please take a break from hoarding toilet paper and touching your face to consider how this covid-19 pandemic might affect the cryptid community. Cryptids are those creatures that enlightened individuals know are real, while the so-called “scientific” community refuses to acknowledge their existence. Cryptids include popular characters like Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, and Mothman, as well as lesser-known creatures like the Jersey Devil and chupacabra. Even vampires, werewolves, and zombies are cryptids. There are thousands of people who claim to have seen one, but there’s no widely accepted scientific evidence that proves their existence.

What if cryptids have been living among us for years—hiding in plain sight? The guy next door tells you he’s a cop who works third shift, but what if the real reason he sleeps all day and goes out at night is that he’s a vampire? What if Bigfoot works for the National Park Service as a forest ranger and shaves himself once a year so he can go to town and get the newest iPhone? Werewolves can live perfectly normal lives 27 days out of the month, but then, on that last day, watch out! Everything was going fine for cryptids, until this virus. Now suddenly they have to worry about whether their body temperature is the same as a normal human’s.

Taking people’s temperature is becoming a popular way to identify those who are sick with the virus. A normal human body temperature is around 98.6 degrees F, and if it’s much higher than that, then the person has a fever. A fever is a possible symptom of the covid-19 virus. Recently Apple announced they’ll be taking the temperature of every person who wants to enter an Apple store and get help figuring out how to use their phone. Many workplaces around the world have adopted temperature checks at the beginning of the workday in order to make sure sick employees can’t infect others. The airlines have proposed checking passengers before boarding planes. It sounds like a good plan from a human’s point of view, but what if you’re a cryptid and your temperature is nowhere near 98.6?

Only Bigfoot’s doctor knows what his temperature is, and he can’t tell because that information is protected by the HIPAA privacy laws. However, we can make some assumptions. Bigfoot might be safe shaving himself and going to the Apple Store for a new iPhone if he’s biologically similar to a human or other large omnivorous mammal. For instance, a polar bear’s temperature is the same as a human’s. A gorilla’s is slightly lower at 96 degrees, so if Bigfoot is genetically similar to a gorilla, he should be fine because at least he doesn’t have a fever. However, if he’s more like a lion, then Bigfoot will have to switch to Android phones because Apple won’t let him in their store with a temperature of 101 F.

What about Mothman, you might be asking? Well, he probably can’t go to work or buy an iPhone since birds have body temperatures up around 105 F. Fortunately, he can fly on his own, so he doesn’t have to worry about getting on an airplane.

Cryptids like vampires and zombies have real problems because their bodies are room temperature. Try explaining to the kid at Apple’s Genius Bar why your body is 20 degrees below normal. He’s not going to buy your story. Not for nothing is he called a genius. Or what about a lizard man that’s cold blooded? He’d probably have to spend hours sun bathing on a rock before being allowed on a plane, but if he falls asleep and stays too long, then he’s in fever territory.

Next time you’re frustrated by the inconvenience of wearing a mask or not being to attend a concert with thousands of your closest friends, think of the hardships experienced by our cryptid friends. And stop touching your face.

Decatur Book Festival

Last weekend I introduced an audience at the Decatur (Georgia) Book Festival to the expression

"Gone Squatchin'." It was a great opportunity to talk to book-lovers about my new novel Bigfoot CSI, and at the same time, introduce them to cryptozoology. Did you miss the event? Okay, you're not the only one. Literally 7 billion people also missed it. But just because you missed the Decatur Book Festival this year, that doesn't mean you should miss out on the cryptozoology information. So I've copied my speech below. You're welcome, all you budding cryptozoologists!

Cryptozoology at the Decatur Book Festival, Decatur, Georgia, September 1, 2018

I’m Kim Osborn Sullivan, and I’m a cryptozoologist. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, a cryptozoologist is one of those people who lurks around the wilderness in search of cryptids, which are creatures that science says don’t exist. Some examples of cryptids are the Loch Ness Monster, the Jersey Devil, Mothman, and my favorite, Bigfoot.

Full disclosure: I’m a lousy cryptozoologist. I’ve never actually seen a cryptid. Bigfoot doesn’t pelt me with acorns when I’m in the forest, sea serpents don’t pose for my camera, and giant prehistoric sharks called megaladons don’t swim up alongside my boat. Not that I have a boat. I’m afraid of sharks regardless of their size, and it’s hard to get eaten by a shark if you never leave central Georgia.

Whether you’re a good cryptozoologist or a crummy one (like me), it’s a terrific hobby. Even if you spend the whole day hunting for cryptids and turn up empty, you’ve still had a relaxing day with plenty of fresh air and good cardio. You don’t even need any expensive equipment. I bought this fancy shirt that tells the world I’ve “Gone Squatchin’” (which is the cryptozoologists’ term for searching for sasquatch), but this shirt wasn’t required. I could wear pajamas and get the same results.

One day when I was out squatchin, I got to thinking about the thousands of bigfoot sightings that are reported every year in the United States. They come from across the country, from the Pacific Northwest of Oregon and Washington down to Florida where they call Bigfoot a “skunk ape.” This undignified name must have evolved because Florida is so hot that even their Bigfoot get sweaty and stinky.

Anyway, it occurred to me that, despite all those bigfoot sightings, no one has found any dead bodies. There have been some hoaxes, but nothing real. How could that be? Is it possible that Bigfoot doesn’t exist and all those thousands of people are delusional or are playing hoaxes on each other? I refuse to believe that. Or is there just one immortal bigfoot that somehow transports himself around the country at will, showing himself to a Nebraska cattle rancher one day and a California logger the next? Seems farfetched, even to someone like me who believes there’s a prehistoric sea serpent floating around Loch Ness in Scotland. There has to be some other explanation.

You see the kinds of deep thoughts that happen when you’re out squatchin’? Do you suppose you can generate thoughts like these if you don’t wear the special t-shirt? Maybe, but I’m not willing to risk it.

This line of thinking is what led me to write my new young adult novel BIGFOOT CSI. It’s a funny, exciting book about 16-year-old Piper O’Connell from the small town of Senoia, Georgia who discovers that she’s part of an elite group of people who have the ability to track down the bodies of dead bigfoot. Once she finds them, she uses specialized tools to destroy them. Since Piper has this rare ability, she realizes that she must use it to help keep the bigfoot race secret from human hunters who would capture or kill the creatures if they knew that they exist. The job is dangerous and the hours stink, but there’s one big advantage: Piper’s tall, dark, and genetically complicated partner named Sam. He’s a hybrid—which means half bigfoot, half human—and it’s his job to help Piper protect the race of bigfoot.

BIGFOOT CSI is a novel, which means it’s not a true story. That’s different from many of the nonfiction bigfoot books out there that focus on people’s reports of encounters with the big guy.

For a change of pace, I wanted to write a novel that answered my questions about where the dead Bigfoot bodies go, so I researched cryptid reports from across the country to create a story that accurately reflects the bigfoot behaviors according to eyewitnesses. For instance, the creatures sometimes leave gifts of pretty stones or animal parts for people they like. They sometimes throw rocks at people they don’t like. They move silently and quickly, they make vocal noises, but aren’t as verbal as humans. Some people say they smell musky. Some say they stink. I incorporated as many of those details as I could while writing an entertaining story, and now I’d love it if you’d read the book.

I’ll be signing copies at the table back there, and I’d love to sign one for you. I also want to talk cryptozoology. If you have any stories about seeing Bigfoot, or the Loch Ness Monster tipping your boat (for those of you daredevils who sail), I’d love to hear them. Been abducted by aliens? Bring it on!

Thanks for spending part of your day here. Have a terrific time at the Decatur Book Fair!

Summer Sea Serpents

Summer Sea Serpents

Bigfoot is one of my favorite topics because he’s the subject of my novel Bigfoot CSI, but he’s not the only cryptid in town. Cryptids are creatures that science doesn’t recognize because scientists can’t get their hands on a specimen to slaughter it and cut it up, or lock it in a cage to become the subject of painful, unnecessary experiments. Cryptids are the focus of Cryptozoology, a field of study considered a “pseudoscience” because it doesn’t have any unfortunate specimens to inflict the scientific method upon. Cryptids include Bigfoot, Loch Ness Monster, Chupacabra, Jersey Devil, and a long list of other such creatures which might or might not exist, but which are clever enough to avoid human laboratories.

The Loch Ness Monster is an exciting cryptid that has been luring the curious to Scotland for decades. There are those who claim it’s a plesiosaur, which is a long-necked sea-dwelling animal that became extinct 65 million years ago. Since Loch Ness is connected to the ocean, the theory that Nessy is a sea dinosaur makes sense to its supporters. While the Loch Ness Monster is the most famous of the sea-dwelling cryptids, it’s by no means the only one.

Lake Champlain in New York State, Vermont, and Quebec, Canada has its own maybe-plesiosaur. Nicknamed “Champ” after the lake where it lives, this creature has been seen and photographed for decades. There are even sound recordings that are similar to the vocalizations of Beluga whales, although no Belugas live in Lake Champlain.

The Southeast coast of Georgia has its own plesiosaur-like cryptid called Altamaha-ha (or Alty). This creature has been spotted in the Altamaha River, which empties into the Atlantic Ocean. Tales about Alty date back to the Native American Muscogee people who inhabited the area. In March, 2018, the body of a strange creature washed up on the Georgia coast near the mouth of the Altamaha River. Its long neck and flippers were reminiscent of the plesiosaur and the Alty sightings. Someone got a picture, but somehow the creature’s body was not recovered, so it couldn’t be studied to figure out what exactly this thing was. 

What I find particularly interesting about this creature on the Georgia coast is its similarity to the story in Bigfoot CSI. In my novel, there's a girl who has to destroy the bodies of dead Bigfoot creatures so they can't be found by humans. She and others like her are called "scrubs." Her function is vital because if humans knew Bigfoot (and other cryptids) existed, then they would devote more time and effort to tracking the creatures. 

It's fun to imagine that some real-life scrub tracked down the body of this sea serpent and destroyed it before it could be retrieved and studied. Maybe my next cryptid novel should focus on Alty or Champ or the Loch Ness Monster. Writing the book would be a good excuse for a nice vacation at the beach.

Review of MONSTERS AMONG US

Review of MONSTERS AMONG US: AN EXPLORATION OF OTHERWORDLY BIGFOOTS, WOLFMEN, PORTALS, PHANTOMS, AND ODD PHENOMENA by Linda S. Godfrey

I'll admit to being creeped out by parts of this book, but it was so cool, I couldn’t put it down.Author Linda S. Godfrey has compiled accounts of encounters with both cryptids of various kinds and unexplained phenomena. For anyone who doesn’t know, cryptids are legendary or supernatural creatures like Bigfoot, the Lock Ness Monster, wolfmen, etc. They are the focus of the field of cryptozoology. These creatures might exist, or they might not, but if they don’t, it’s surprising how many people claim to have seen one.

Godfrey starts her book with wolfmen/dogmen/transformation stories. My favorites include the dog-headed guy who was sitting in the backseat of a limo. He looked like a normal German shepherd, until he raised his human arm and propped it on the car window. I also liked the woman who transformed into a wolf-like creature in the middle of a Sunday church service. Church Lady appreciated showmanship.

There are lots of other cryptids represented throughout this book, including everything from Bigfoot to werewolves to UFOs. There are plenty of odd phenomena, too, like footprints appearing in the middle of a snowy field, all manner of unusual lights, and portals that allow creatures from who-knows-where to appear and disappear at will.

MONSTERS AMONG US uses a consistent approach when examining the cryptid and unusual phenomena stories. Typically, the author has been contacted by someone who claims to have seen something unexplained, and she interviews that person. Sometimes the incident was witnessed by multiple people, in which case, the stories from all witnesses are compared. Each incident is catalogued with its date, time, location, weather conditions, etc. in an effort to provide as much information as possible while ruling out alternative explanations for the phenomena. For instance, the sighting of a doglike creature that occurs at dusk might be easier to misinterpret than the same creature in broad daylight.

This is an intriguing collection of cryptid tales that has crept into my subconscious. This morning, when I accidentally dropped a spoon, my first thought was the old superstition that says dropping a spoon predicts that a child will be visiting. My second thought was that I hoped the visiting child wouldn’t be some supernatural monster that tumbles out of a portal onto my front porch. 

There’s another book on my to-be-read list called BLACK EYED CHILDREN  by David Weatherly. I can’t wait to read it, but the inevitable sleepless nights are worrisome. Almost as worrisome as uninvited cryptid kids showing up because of one stinking dropped spoon….