Everything has been messed up by this stupid pandemic. School, work, entertainment, family gatherings, sports, you name it have all been cancelled or dramatically changed by Covid-19. Even the most popular stories of our past are different now. Check out the updated fairy tales that will be streaming soon on a TV near your living room:
CINDERELLA STAYS HOME: The prince can’t host a ball because social gatherings are forbidden, and no one could dance anyway due to social distancing.
SNOW WHITE AND THE SIX DWARFS: Sneezy is quarantined by Doc’s orders. Snow is safe from the Queen because no one can tell “Who’s the fairest of them all” behind their masks.
SLEEPING BEAUTY STAYS ASLEEP: The prince won’t kiss her because fatigue is a symptom of Covid-19.
BEAUTY AND THE BEAST HAVE NO GUESTS: Tired of cooking three meals a day for Belle and Beast, Mrs. Potts downloads the GrubHub app.
THE LITTLE MERMAID STAYS UNDER THE SEA: Safe in the ocean away from humans, Arielle refuses to grow legs.
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD DOESN’T VISIT GRANDMA: Because
Grannie’s advanced age makes her vulnerable, Red just leaves a basket of snacks
on the porch and skips away.
Final thoughts: Remember that this virus nonsense will go
away. We will not have to wear ugly masks for every important event of our
lives forever. Soon we’ll be able to sit way too close to thousands of complete
strangers at a hockey game again. We can wait in line for a restaurant table
for upwards of two hours someday. Grandmas will open the door for their
grandkids. Until then, be safe, my friends. And think about what a long, boring, completely unrelateable story this will be when you inflict it on your children/grandchildren/random kid next to you on the bus someday.
