BIGFOOT, BEARS, AND BRANCHES

It’s shocking what can be living in your own neck of the woods without you even being aware of it. I’m not talking about weird neighbors who everyone suspects are mobsters in the witness protection program because they wear track suits with lots of gold jewelry and their names are clearly fake. No one believes that an overweight, middle-aged man who slicks back his hair is actually named Chip. No, I’m talking about creatures that are far more interesting and whose wives wear far less eye makeup.

Before I wrote my novel BIGFOOT CSI last year, I had no idea that there had been Bigfoot sightings anywhere near my house in suburban Atlanta. Aren’t Bigfoot all in the Pacific Northwest? Apparently not. A little research revealed that there had been Bigfoot spotted in my county, just a few miles from my house. And not just one Bigfoot report, either. Multiple reports, including on one occasion when there had been a pair of them together. 

Knowing that Bigfoot might be roving the countryside is exciting enough, but there was also a report of a dead sea serpent-type creature found in the State of Georgia last year. The report came from a guy who had been walking along the coast where the Altamaha River spills into the Atlantic Ocean. He snapped a couple photos of the body, then left the area (duh!). When he returned--presumably to collect the creature and sell it to the highest bidder for a zillion dollars--the body was gone. Bummer. It’s that easy for a zillion dollars to get washed out to sea at high tide.

Maybe it’s hard for people to accept that a seven-foot-tall hominid covered in hair could remain hidden just fifty miles from downtown Atlanta. Maybe you don’t believe in sea serpents swimming through rivers in one of the original 13 American colonies. If that’s the case, then in the words of Darth Vader, "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

Whether you’re a believer in cryptids or not, how do you feel about bears? I thought that the biggest four-footed beast in the woods around my house was my neighbor’s golden retriever, but according to a recent article in the local Newnan Times-Herald newspaper, we’ve got black bears in the area. Apparently they come out in the spring after they wake up from their winter naps, and they start looking for food to help them bulk up after long months of fasting in their dens.

There are more than 4000 black bears in the State of Georgia, and multiple reports of the animals have come from areas within a 30-minute drive of my house. It never occurred to me that I might spot a bear in my little Atlanta suburb, but apparently it’s happened to other people. The body of one poor young bear was even found on a county road last spring, the apparent victim of a hit-and-run. Bears are notoriously lax when it comes to looking both ways before crossing the street.

So wherever you live, remember that unexpected creatures can be anywhere. Next time you’re taking a hike in the woods or along the seashore or just down the block, be extra vigilant. Any furtive motion or dark shadow or unexplained noise might only be a branch waving in the wind, or it might be something far more exciting. It could be Bigfoot or a sea serpent or maybe a bear. And if it is any of those things, please send me an email. A photo, too, if you’ve got a camera handy. Just don’t take pictures of your freaky witness protection neighbor loading a dead body into his trunk. Or if you do photograph him, and he catches you, please don’t mention my name. I ain’t seen nuthin’.