Random Complaints about the Olympics

I’m in a mood to complaint today, so this blog will be a collection of minor annoyances about the Olympics. Feel free to add your own complaints in the comments section. You know you have plenty of them. Just keep it clean; your grandmother reads this blog.

1. I feel sad for that poor French ice dancer who had a serious wardrobe malfunction on live, international television last night. Sure, it’s the kind of horrible luck that could afflict anyone, but there are some precautions you can take to avoid stuff like this. Particularly, don’t choose an outfit that uses only one small snap behind your neck to protect your assets from exposure to the whole wide world. It’s hard to believe that the costume designer didn’t learn that lesson on Day One of costume design school. Always have redundant systems to protect those assets! How about two or even three snaps? A zipper? Maybe adhesive cups under the costume in case something goes horribly awry?2. Since when do they have skiers in the halfpipe? Is this new, or have I just been missing it all these years? It looks weird because I’m so used to the snowboarding. Which is harder? Who knows/ I’ve never been able to work up the courage to even get on a ski lift, let alone take it to the top of a mountain and somehow get off to slide down. The tow rope on the bunny hill taxed my limited skills.

3. Russian athletes are competing under the Olympic flag instead of the Russian flag because apparently some of them had tested positive for doping.. Many Russian athletes were still allowed to compete, because they had not tested positive for drugs. Today it was reported that one of the Russian curling athletes who’s still in the Games tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs. Curling!?! Their sport consists of sweeping while gliding at low speeds. Who needs steroids to do that? At this point, it seems like the Russians aren’t even interested in achieving anything—they’re just curious what they can get away with.

4. The winter landscapes in South Korea are beautiful, but it makes me cold to look at them. After spending years trying to survive the frigid, windy wasteland of Chicago winters, just the sight of an ice cube tray can give me goose bumps. Winter sports would be much more pleasant if they happened during the summer.

5. Some of these sports are ridiculously dangerous, and it makes me wonder what the point is. During the women’s slalom, for instance, every single skier who came down the mountain did so while the commentators listed the athlete’s serious recent injuries. Just now, a halfpipe ski woman limped off the course after crashing on her last trick. I thought exercise was supposed to be good for you, but certainly not if you’re an Olympic skier. Or the luge. Don’t even get me started on the luge.

Less than one week to go until Olympics 2018 is nothing but a collection of statistics to be largely forgotten until commentators bring them up during the next Olympic Games. Enjoy!