Sunday, March 3, 2013


Give us this day our daily fret about something brand new: Sinkholes! Some poor guy in Florida goes to bed and the next thing you know, his bedroom is sucked into the earth! Who knew that could happen? Don't they check for that kind of stuff before they build a house? Are we all at risk, or is this horrifying phenomenon unique to Florida? After all, Florida does have its share of horrifying phenomena, like alligators on golf courses and waiting 2 hours in July sun to ride the Teacups. And don't get me started on the crimes against humanity I've seen Florida drivers commit.

So now we not only have to fear threats from above, like airplane parts falling from the sky on us (refer to that episode of the series Shameless if you don't know what I mean), and threats on the ground, like Florida drivers, but now we have to worry about the earth swallowing us up for no reason.

Apparently some people knew about this nightmare because I'm right now listening to a song by the Drive By Truckers in which they mention "bury his body in the old sinkhole." Maybe we should start taking song lyrics more seriously because they hold hints to the true threats we're facing every day. Do you suppose all those singers who have covered the song Landslide are trying to tell us something?

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